Thank you to my fans, feedback requested

Doggebone is becoming famous throughout the internet and wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who has praised "my" blog.

One reader even said she loves me! My human mom said it was meant as a figure of speech but I know it's real. She does love me. Who wouldn't? I am fairly hygienic for a canine. My mom bathes me at least once a week. My hair is an awesome mixture of colors. And to think some people pay big bucks to get the same color highlights God gave me! I could use a pedicure but I suppose that will come with time. Mom doesn't like doing it. Mr. Vet usually does it.

But, anyway...I do want to say thanks! I appreciate your comments and knowing that I can make people smile.

Now...

Doggebone needs to know what you think. I am contemplating a part-time job as a weather dog. My mom got me a uniform.

For those of you who might not know, I have a bit of an accent. It is Southern with a British twang. For example, my name pronounced: Doogie-boon. Imagine how intriguing I will be as a weather dog! I can see me now...

"'Ello. This is Doogie-Boon bringing you the watha repo't. I predict it will be a bit wa'm and dry today so you may want to find a wata hole for dousing and coolin'."

See how good that sounds!

I know my dog bowl is pretty full with the blog and all, but if I became a weather dog I could keep my fans informed of possible weather issues. My knowledge could save lives. Well, maybe not lives, but I am sure it will save some hairdos. At the very least, I can warn people ahead of time of potential rain (rain + dirt = mud) so they can be ready...and maybe purchase extra Muslim postage stamps for their paws and shoes.

What do you think?

Mom's obsession with Edward Cullen

Hello. It's me, again. Doggebone.

Before I start, let me say that in case you are one of the gazillion fnas of the Twilight book and movie series, I am a fan, too. But I am a bit concerned about my mom and the other female fans in my house.

Okay...I have to admit that Edward Cullen is handsome, for a guy and vampire. I am not upset that my mom and human female siblings think he is so hot. I am upset over the guy's menu choices. I am not saying that I think this vampire heartthrob should feast on humans, but can you understand why I am upset? Hello! Instead of the traditional vampiric menu of human blood, the guy and his "family" --in their attempt to "be good vampires"- only hunt animals.

Animals. Do you see now? Animals = d-o-g!

Sure mom and the girls are safe but what about Doggebone? Yeah, I know...Edward Cullen is only a character in a book...a movie...but the threat is real. I am having nightmares about it.

I imagine that I am running outside with my friends, minding my own business and then BAM! Doggebone is dinner. The teeth are scary. The eyes...the glow of hunger...

All I ask is that humans have a bit of compassion and understanding for the rest of those in the animal kingdom.

If you are one of the gazillion planning to head out to see New Moon today, think about Doggebone and all the other Doggebone's in the world. We have feelings, too. We have rights. And the thought of becoming a meal is a bit intimidating.

Go ahead. Love Edward. Love Jacob. Love them all. But while you are frothing over them, why not become an advocate for me? Try convincing them that there are alternatives to hunting animals. And I am not saying they should revert to the human blood lust thing. Why not try what Mick does on Moonlight? Blood banks. The blood is already there. No human or animal is injured, killed, or converted.

Help Doggebone's nightmares end, please! After all, there is more at stake (no pun intended to vampires) than a few nightmares. Do you know what can happen to a dog who is suddenly jolted from sleep because of fear? He might wet on himself. I am not saying that I have done this. Just that it is possible. And the ramifications are not pretty...or so I have been told.

New U.S. Postage Stamp: buy ‘em by the truck load

For those of you who have not yet heard, our President has approved…encouraged…decided…ordered…heck, something or the other…

Let me start over.

President Obama has directed (directed, yep…that was the word I was looking for) the United States Postal Service to remember and honor the EID Muslim holiday season with a new commemorative 42 cent first class holiday postage stamp.

Okay. I am a bit confused. We are living in the United States of America. The last time I sniffed around my human mom’s history books, I do believe I read that our nation was founded on Christian principles. Christian. Christ. Christian. Muslim? I’m not seeing the relevance of this new stamp.

Hmm. Okay. Let’s see what Muslims have contributed to our nation…

1. Muslims bombed Pan Am flight 103
2. Muslims bombed the World Trade Center in 1993 
3. Muslims bombed US Marine barracks in Lebanon 
4. Muslims bombed the US military barracks in Saudi Arabia 
5. Muslims bombed the American Embassies in Africa
6. Muslims bombed the USS COLE 
7. Muslims were responsible for the terrorists attacks on 9/11/2001 
8. Muslims were responsible for the killing for countless Americans

What a contribution! I can see why Americans would want to purchase these stamps. Not!

Well, let Doggebone tell you why you should buy them…

Show what you think about the new EID Muslim holiday commemorative stamp. Purchase them by the truck load. Make a wise investment. Doggebone recommends using them for:

1. Litter box liners. No more hassling with the plastic lift-and-remove box liners. Simply remove the stamp from the protective sheet and place in neat rows in the litter box. The self-adhesive backing makes installation a breeze! When it’s time to clean the litter box, simply dump them along with the rest of the …
2. Paw protectors. I don’t know about you, but I get tired of getting in trouble for my nasty paws after being outside. The convenient self-adhesive backing on these unique stamps makes paw application as easy as 1 paw, 2 paws, 3 paws, 4 paws. Lovable dogs, like Doggebone, will have protection from the elements we encounter when playing outside; not to mention the protection from stepping in … well, except I might not be able to tell the difference between the stamp/protector and what I stepped in. 
3. Seals. These one-of-a-kind stamps make excellent seals for minor leaks in plastic cups or other …wait a minute. They won’t hold water. Yep, that is exactly right. These new stamps do not hold water as far as the American people are concerned.

Let me back up a bit, back to being a Christian nation. That is right. I said it. Doggebone does not care about political correctness and you shouldn’t either.

The United States is a Christian nation. Not Muslim. The mere thought of this stamp is a slap in the face to the American people…and Doggebone loves his people!

Unless you plan to line your feline companion’s litter box, I don’t recommend purchasing these atrocities. But, you do have the freedom and free will to do as you wish. If you opt to place one on your “Holiday” cards this year, be sure to make notes because you will be held accountable one day…which might not be that far away. And, if you use them, don’t send Doggebone a card.

Doggebone says, wag your tail. Bark loudly. Tell the world that you think Jesus is the reason for the season and that there is no room for anti-Christian principles in our country.

The blame game

Hello again. It’s me. Doggebone.

I’m needing to vent a little.

You know, just because I am a dog doesn’t mean that every bad thing that happens in my home is my fault.

Early this morning, around 3:30 I believe, an odd sound woke my human mom suddenly. She sat upright. Listened. The sound was a mixture of rumbling and gurgling and something that I really can’t put into words. She was trying to figure out what the sound was and where it was coming from.

In two seconds I knew what the sound was…and apparently so did she. The smell was horrendous. The worst smell I’ve ever smelled in my almost 2 years of life…and that is saying something when a dog thinks something stinks (hey, that rhymes!). Then she said it. I still do not believe she said it.

“Fred!” she said, her voice was painful, obviously from trying to keep from inhaling.

Why did she assume the smell came from me?

She leaned over and cut the lamp on.

Aha! It wasn’t me was it, mom?!

There he was…guilt covered his face like the dark covered the night…at least, before mom cut the lamp on.

Mr. M, my feline sibling…looking all dejected, his hacking was quite disturbing. I think that his stomach roared louder than the UPS truck that passes by our house. Mr. M is jet black, big as a house…and obviously, someone (not Doggebone!) forgot to put him outside before bed. He was sick. I’m no rocket scientist but I would bet my last Barkin’ Bacon Bites that his stomach was tore up. Man, oh man, was it tore up.

My mom was freaking out! Why he picked our room, I’ll never know, but my mom was up for a while cleaning, scrubbing, spraying some fruity something-or-other which only made the room smell like fruity kaka.

Anyway…back to the point. Why do humans always assume it’s the dog’s fault when hygiene issues arise? I’m a fairly neat little man, for a canine. Plus, if I had been the one who passed along the "present," I wouldn't hang around to see her reaction!

Sure, I have some buddies that hang around the yard who aren’t as courteous as me but I know better. And my mom knows that I know better. So, next time one of those hairballs, I mean cats, get sick she better not blame Doggebone…or else. I know how to give the cold paw!

You’ll stand up for me, right?

Ft. Hoot shooter deserves no sympathy: Doggebone recommends action

Hello again world. It's Doggebone. I wish this post could be a happy one, but I am frothing over news of the horror at Ft. Hood.

Can you believe the media is giving the shooter so much attention? And to think this mass murderer has garnered sympathy from those who are supposed to stand up for the American people. I am a freaking dog and I know that this just ain't right!

Instead of focusing on how stressed and psychologically unstable the shooter was, why not focus on how stressed and psychologicaly damaged the victims and their families are?

My human mom spent several years living on post when her ex was in the Army. She says the atmosphere of family and comradery are unlike any other, but that the way things seem to be now she wonders if military families will opt for off-post housing, if they stay in the military at all.

When American leaders, the media, and many citizens are barred from speaking out against acts such as this, what does that say for the future of our nation? All I know is that it is better to be a dog these days! I would not want to put up with the new restrictions placed on Americans, particularly those that go against the very rights granted through the Constitution.

Having said all of this, Doggebone wants to make a few points:

1. Americans, take a stand to protect your rights and freedoms.
2. Speaking up is not being unpatriotic; in fact, remaining silent is no different that condoning the condition of our nation.
3. Keep informed on issues that affect the American people, their quality of life, their safety, and their ability to live confortably and free of fear in a free nation.When issues disturb you, such as the proposed health care "solution," do something!
4. Promote continuity of a free press that reports the truth, the facts, and the whole story...not only the parts that are politically correct.
5. Demand that Washington and all the powers-that-be be held accountable.

If I could do these things myself, I would. But I can't. I am a dog. I can do one thing, though. and I do it well. When it comes to the Ft. Hood shooter and his media coverage, I have a "leg up." And I think you know what I mean!

Until next time, remember to bark back when something disturbs you!
-Doggebone

Doggebone's take on iTunes TV

Well guys, it's me again. Doggebone. I've been listening to conversations about Apple's new iTunes TV capabilities. And I have to put my 2 kibbles in!

Okay. First, a dog's opinion is important. Guys like me see the world for what it really is and having my people obtain another electronic gadget is not something that makes me jump up and down. Think about it...

My human family already owns several traditional TVs, cell phones, iPods, video gaming systems, computers for personal and work use, stereos, blah, blah. The list goes on. So, exactly how is this iTunes TV going to benefit my family? Specifically, how will it benefit me? The answer is simple: it won't!

Now don't get me wrong. I love to snuggle with my human mom when she's watching a movie but she can get too caught up in the back to back to back movies. Add a cell phone conversation to movie time and Doggebone is feeling a bit neglected.

I don't expect you to fully understand but I do ask that you look at it from my point of view.

When humans become distracted by electronics something changes inside them. They change from the loving people we dogs have come to adore to a stranger focused solely on their own enjoyment. What happened to the days of a loving pat, a walk in the park, a run around the yard, or a good ole roll on the floor? Technology is what happened!

So, before you run out an buy or upgrade think about the canines (and some worthy felines) who depend on you. We are dedicated to you. Shouldn't you put our needs before the pleasure you might obtain from playing around with some unfeeling, unemotional gadget? And Apple claims the service is only $30 a month. Imagine what that $30 could be used for...rawhide chews, chicken flavored treats, bacon bites...

Not to mention...how can an Apple display a TV show anyway? Get real!

But...never let it be said that Doggebone is not fair. Check it out for yourself.
http://mediamemo.allthingsd.com/20091102/apples-itunes-pitch-tv-for-30-a-month/