Follow me @doggebone because #dogsrule

Hey world! It’s me, Doggebone. I want to let you know that you can follow me on Twitter @doggebone.

I’ll be updating everyone on my adventures of the summer very soon. It seems that my human mom has been busy and sharing the computer has not been a priority for her. Like she doesn’t know that my fans NEED to hear from me! Geesh! Humans!

 

I have been SO bored!

Anyway, follow me and, yeah, I guess you can follow my mom, too (@rwhi). 

 

Until next time, remember that #dogsrule,
Doggebone

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Snow, Bloating, and Prosperity

Hi world. It’s me…Doggebone.

So much has happened since the last time we spoke. Where do I start? Maybe it is best to go back to the beginning, which would be our big snow for 2011.

Many of you may not realize but Central Mississippi is known for winters that are rarely excessively cold and rare (really rare) snowfall. This year was different. Our area actually had two decent snowfalls –at least, according to my human mom.

The first snowfall didn’t bring much excitement for me. My human sisters did enjoy making a miniature snowman on the patio table. Humans seem to derive great pleasure from building these icy things in the freezing weather. I don’t see the fun or humor but it’s my job to make them happy so I play along. Although I did get a genuine laugh out of my oldest human sister’s freaky snow dance in camo coveralls. I heard Mom say something about posting it on Facebook; then I heard my sister threaten her if she did. The conversation ended so I am assuming the home video never made it to the masses on the net!

The second snowfall was really a doozy. It was nearly six inches, which is amazing for us. When my human siblings were playing and throwing snowballs at one another, I noticed they were eating snow, too. Then I heard Mom warn about yellow snow. I didn’t see any type of snow except white snow…well, at first. Now I know what yellow snow is and it is even more amazing that “I” can make it all by myself! Now how talented am I?!

I went out with Mom for a while. She dressed me in my cool blue, fur-lined hooded coat. Then I realized were doing some type of photo shoot in the backyard. She invited those felines, too. I’m glad she had fun. I was humiliated! She just does not realize the stresses she puts on me when she groups me with all those fur balls. Is it not enough that she has me rooming with one? Anyway, I roamed a bit while she was shooting photos of those crazy cats slapping snow and chasing it as it fell to the ground. I found some tasty snacks that a neighbor tossed out. Humans always throw away the best stuff! It did catch up with me later and Mom didn’t appreciate the aroma. I couldn’t help it. At least they were silent!

That’s about it for the big 2011 snow. Since then, I’ve tried to be good and help out as needed. I did get caught drinking muddy water. I really don’t know what the big deal was but Mom wasn’t happy. She said something about me being so picky about having fresh water in my bowl several times a day yet I am willing to drink muddy water when outside. What can I say? I am a little spoiled! It’s Mom’s fault and yet she wants to blame me. Humans!

I guess I will end here. I have some more news for you but it will have to come in a new post. So, be watching! Also, keep your ears alert. Mom’s writing a series of Doggebone stories for kids. (Shhh! Don’t tell her that I really think it’s cool!) She’s also working on a column for a regional publication. Who knows…maybe you will open your favorite magazine or newspaper one day soon and see an “Ask Doggebone” column!

Until next time, stay outta the neighbor’s scraps or at least sleep on the couch until the after-effects pass!

-Doggebone

Doggebone's Christmas

Hi all! Doggebone had a wonderful Christmas! My mom invited the family to our house for food and fun. I loved the samplings I received. Holiday ham is amazing. I discovered that turkey is almost as good as chicken nuggets. Sausage balls and Chex Mix aren't too bad either! I was dying for chocolate but Mom refused. Oh, how wonderful it smelled, too!

I didn't expect a gift, after all, I am a dog. But my Aunt Terri brought me an amazing package. I have my own Mighty Dog tag which I wear proudly. I do think it has helped my muscles grow. I feel invincible! If you have watched the movie Bolt, you know how Doggebone is feeling with his new Mighty powers. And before you disagree, I have documentation to prove it. I have my own Mighty ID card personalized with MY name. I am available for watch dog positions if anyone has an opening. I am Mighty Doggebone!

Mom said that Aunt Terri was going to bring me a Santa suit but the pet store had sold out. I didn't tell Mom (shhh!) but I am actually glad. Sometimes Mom goes a bit overboard with dressing me. I am a bit embarassed when she takes me out in the cow print fleece sweater. Imagine what the guys think. It even has ears. Most of the time I tend to stay close to home when Mom makes me wear that. Just think of the jokes I'd hear if the guys saw me in a Santa suit. Humans have no idea of the peer pressures we dogs face....especially the guy dogs. Geesh!

Anyway, I did have a great Christmas. My great newphew, Nathan, celebrated his first Christmas and it was fun watching him with his gifts. It seems that he likes the same parts that I like --paper and boxes. That boy has excellent taste! Now, don't argue with me. Paper and boxes provide hours of fun and entertainment, not to mention they are cost-efficient gifts. Something was wrong with Nathan's gifts though. They had toys and clothes stuck to them. Humans! I'll never fully understand them. Maybe they thought they were giving a two-fer-one. Who knows!

After my human siblings cleared out, Mom and I snuggled on the couch and watched movies (along with "the feline"). It seems Mom likes Lifetime Movie Network during the holidays. She's a crier, too. So, she had me worried. At first I didn't know it was the movie. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with her, consoling her and all. I suppose it's another weird human thing that we dogs will never understand. Kind of like how Mom will never understand that I have to hike versus squatting. And she wonders why those crazy puppy pads never worked for me. I am a man. I have to go outside like a man. I need bushes and tires. Speaking of tires...that is one of the best parts of having the family over for Christmas. Tires galore! I hope they come every year. I think they should come on ALL holidays!

Before I go, I will update you on my assistant, Connie Cotton. Well, I guess she isn't my assistant any longer. Mom put her on "the chain." I've come to realize that dogs who do not listen and continue to get into things they are not supposed to go to "the chain." I am not positive but I think Connie abused some of the puppies, terrorizing one so much that he still cries when someone walks by...even when Mom puts food in his bowl. What a shame. I thought Connie was different from the others but you just never know about people, do you? Maybe it's one of those female things. Maybe she is a bipolar canine or something. She is sweet and loving then...BAM! Attack the puppies. Mom says it's jealousy. I say that the "chain" won't cure jealousy but Mom is in charge (or so I let her think).

Well ya'll, I better run. Literally. I have to "go" and it is freezing outside.

Until next time, shake a leg!
~Doggebone

The blame game

Hello again. It’s me. Doggebone.

I’m needing to vent a little.

You know, just because I am a dog doesn’t mean that every bad thing that happens in my home is my fault.

Early this morning, around 3:30 I believe, an odd sound woke my human mom suddenly. She sat upright. Listened. The sound was a mixture of rumbling and gurgling and something that I really can’t put into words. She was trying to figure out what the sound was and where it was coming from.

In two seconds I knew what the sound was…and apparently so did she. The smell was horrendous. The worst smell I’ve ever smelled in my almost 2 years of life…and that is saying something when a dog thinks something stinks (hey, that rhymes!). Then she said it. I still do not believe she said it.

“Fred!” she said, her voice was painful, obviously from trying to keep from inhaling.

Why did she assume the smell came from me?

She leaned over and cut the lamp on.

Aha! It wasn’t me was it, mom?!

There he was…guilt covered his face like the dark covered the night…at least, before mom cut the lamp on.

Mr. M, my feline sibling…looking all dejected, his hacking was quite disturbing. I think that his stomach roared louder than the UPS truck that passes by our house. Mr. M is jet black, big as a house…and obviously, someone (not Doggebone!) forgot to put him outside before bed. He was sick. I’m no rocket scientist but I would bet my last Barkin’ Bacon Bites that his stomach was tore up. Man, oh man, was it tore up.

My mom was freaking out! Why he picked our room, I’ll never know, but my mom was up for a while cleaning, scrubbing, spraying some fruity something-or-other which only made the room smell like fruity kaka.

Anyway…back to the point. Why do humans always assume it’s the dog’s fault when hygiene issues arise? I’m a fairly neat little man, for a canine. Plus, if I had been the one who passed along the "present," I wouldn't hang around to see her reaction!

Sure, I have some buddies that hang around the yard who aren’t as courteous as me but I know better. And my mom knows that I know better. So, next time one of those hairballs, I mean cats, get sick she better not blame Doggebone…or else. I know how to give the cold paw!

You’ll stand up for me, right?

Doggebone's take on iTunes TV

Well guys, it's me again. Doggebone. I've been listening to conversations about Apple's new iTunes TV capabilities. And I have to put my 2 kibbles in!

Okay. First, a dog's opinion is important. Guys like me see the world for what it really is and having my people obtain another electronic gadget is not something that makes me jump up and down. Think about it...

My human family already owns several traditional TVs, cell phones, iPods, video gaming systems, computers for personal and work use, stereos, blah, blah. The list goes on. So, exactly how is this iTunes TV going to benefit my family? Specifically, how will it benefit me? The answer is simple: it won't!

Now don't get me wrong. I love to snuggle with my human mom when she's watching a movie but she can get too caught up in the back to back to back movies. Add a cell phone conversation to movie time and Doggebone is feeling a bit neglected.

I don't expect you to fully understand but I do ask that you look at it from my point of view.

When humans become distracted by electronics something changes inside them. They change from the loving people we dogs have come to adore to a stranger focused solely on their own enjoyment. What happened to the days of a loving pat, a walk in the park, a run around the yard, or a good ole roll on the floor? Technology is what happened!

So, before you run out an buy or upgrade think about the canines (and some worthy felines) who depend on you. We are dedicated to you. Shouldn't you put our needs before the pleasure you might obtain from playing around with some unfeeling, unemotional gadget? And Apple claims the service is only $30 a month. Imagine what that $30 could be used for...rawhide chews, chicken flavored treats, bacon bites...

Not to mention...how can an Apple display a TV show anyway? Get real!

But...never let it be said that Doggebone is not fair. Check it out for yourself.
http://mediamemo.allthingsd.com/20091102/apples-itunes-pitch-tv-for-30-a-month/

Say what you mean!

OK. I can be more open with you than I can my human mom. I mean, she cares for me and...well, she babies me a lot. Maybe too much. I owe her, though. She took me in when my previous owner was treating me badly. Anyway...I just have to vent.

My mom doesn't like for me to go out by myself because I am a wanderer. I can't help it! It's in my nature. I have to explore. When the squirrels start playing and the bird are chirping something goes wild inside me. My sense of obedience simply leaves!

Sorry, I got off topic.

Several days in a row my mom let me go outside to do my business alone. I did good the first few times. But one day, ONE...not two...just ONE, I ran with some of the guys and got really wet and muddy. I felt so free. I had the time of my life. That is, until I came home.

All I heard was nag, nag, nag about the dirt and mud. Think about it from my point of view. I am a dog. Dogs like to run. Dogs like dirt. If you let a dog outside alone, he is going to get dirty. Hello! Common sense, right? Yeah, I thought so, too!

Why can't my human mom just say what she means?

She says, "Do you need to go outside?"
She means, "You are not allowed to have any fun. No fun! No fun!"

She says: "Go play with your friends."
She means: "Don't run off with those other dogs."

I get really frustrated. I am a dog. I live in a house filled with humans and cats. What does she expect when I have the chance to run with the big dogs? And she wonders why I love going to the vet so much. Canine interaction, man! For real! I crave it. I have to have it. The vet doesn't fuss about my hygiene. He puts me in a cage near other dogs. A time or two there's been some pretty hot babes in there. Not that it matters now that I've been "fixed" but a dog can dream.

Anyway...it's been good to get this off my chest. If you talk to my mom, don't tell her I told you about this. She's sensitive when it comes to me. But who wouldn't be? I am adorable, or so I have been told.

Until next time, take it easy. Enjoy life. Take a roll on the floor. Scratch like there's no tomorrow!

~Doggebone

Doggebone dictionary: "politically correct"

How about a Doggebone definition for politically correct?

Politically correct (adj.): the term used to describe words or text adjusted for for those who cannot handle the truth.

In Doggebone's dictionary, at least for today, the abbreviation "adj" stands for adjusted not adjective!

Got a word you want Doggebone to define? Ask him. (No ugly words, please!)